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New Old Proverbs


A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

**It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic! *


*1.*
Don't change horses

until they stop running.

 

*2.*
Strike while the

bug is close.

 

*3.*
It's always darkest before

Daylight Saving Time.

 

*4.*
Never underestimate the power of

termites.

 

*5.*
You can lead a horse to water but

How?

 

*6.*
Don't bite the hand that

looks dirty.

 

*7.*
No news is

impossible

 

*8.*

A miss is as good as a

Mr.

 

*9.*
You can't teach an old dog new

Math

 

*10.*
If you lie down with dogs, you'll

stink in the morning.
 


*11.*
Love all, trust

Me.

 

*12.*
The pen is mightier than the

pigs.

 

*13.*
An idle mind is

the best way to relax.

 

*14.*
Where there's smoke there's

pollution.
 


*15.*
Happy the bride who

gets all the presents.

 

*16.*
A penny saved is

not much.

 

*17.*
Two's company, three's

the Musketeers.
 


*18.*
Don't put off till tomorrow what

you put on to go to bed.

 

*19. *
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and

You have to blow your nose.

 

*20.*
There are none so blind as

Stevie Wonder.

 

*21.** *
Children should be seen and not

spanked or grounded.
 


*22.*
If at first you don't succeed

get new batteries.

 

*23.*
You get out of something only what you

See in the picture on the box
 


*24.*
When the blind lead the blind

get out of the way.

 

*25.*
A bird in the hand

is going to poop on you.



* And the WINNER and last one! *

*26.*
Better late than

Pregnant

*********************************************************************************

 

"Introducing Gladys Dunn"

Gladys Dunn recently moved into a retirement
community in a small town.

One beautiful Sunday morning she walked
down the street to a church not far from her
apartment.

Gladys was in awe of the big beautiful church
building as she stepped inside to attend the
worship service.

Gladys however, wasn't too impressed with the
sermon. She thought it was kind of boring and,
as she looked around the church, she noticed
that many of the members were nodding off.

When the preacher finished his sermon he
encouraged the congregation to greet those
sitting close by.

Gladys turned toward the man sitting on her left.
He, too, had fallen asleep and was yawning and
stretching trying to wake up. He smiled at her,
and Gladys returned the smile.

She politely offered her hand and said, "I' m
Gladys Dunn."

"You and me both!" the man replied.

;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)  ;-)
 

 

Copyright Gospel Communications International, Inc - www.reverendfun.com

 
Christian One Liners

Don't let your worries get the
best of you;  remember, Moses started
out as a basket case.


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Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
until you try to sit in their pews.


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Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.

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It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

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The good Lord didn't create anything
without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

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When you get to your wit's end,  you'll find God lives there.

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People are funny;  they want the
front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

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Opportunity may knock once, but temptation
bangs on your front door forever.

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Quit griping about your
church;  if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

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If the church wants a
better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

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God does not propose
to judge a person until she is dead.  So why should you?

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Some minds are like concrete
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

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Peace starts with a smile.

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I don't know why some people
change churches;  what difference does
it make which one you stay home from?!

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A lot of church members who
are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

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We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.


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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

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 Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

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Forbidden fruits create many jams.

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God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

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 God grades on the cross, not the curve.

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 God loves everyone, but probably prefers
"fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

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God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

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The one who angers you, controls you!

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If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!

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Prayer:

Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

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The task ahead of us is never as
great as the Power behind us.

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The Will of God never takes you to
where the Grace of God will not protect you.

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We don't change the message, the message changes us.

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You can tell how big a person
is by what it takes to..........discourage him/her.

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